Dear Gabriel - May 2010

Dear Gabriel,

Every day your growing more and becoming more independent. You seem to be in a rush to grow up. You watch older boys when we are at a party or at the playground. You often mimic their actions their words. I'm really not sure if I should encourage you to do this or if I should nudge you to find your own way. Watching you watch them makes me think back to when I was young and listening to my mom always to tell me to be a leader, don't follow other people. I fell into cliques,was a victim of peer pressure and wonder if you are headed down that path. I see your frustration when the older boys will not acknowledge you. "He's too little" I have heard them say to each other, but still you follow them. Many times you have looked for me " They won't play with me". It hurts my heart watching you get teary eyed wanting so badly to be one of them. I feel that you crave it, you have to have their acceptance. It's times like this that I find parenthood a hard job. Part of me wants to tell you to find something else to do, to thicken your skin so that you can shrug off less then friendly behavior and get ready for more of it as you get older. Part of me wants to take you and give you a hug and tell you to come play with me, we will find something to do but when I do that you pull away and tell me your too big for hugs and kisses. Which has made me sad from time to time. David watches you often. He mimics everything you do but he seems to know hes not ready to play with the big boys. He hangs back and watches you run, jump and do what the other boys do and tells me " Gabriel is a big boy" I hear the anticipation in his voice, he also can not wait to grow up.

We are at the end of your first "school year" of preschool. You love school although you get frustrated because your still learning to use words rather than your fists to resolve a conflict. We are working on it. I don't know where this little temper of yours comes from. That's not true, I do. I have a bit of a temper myself. Again its things like this that make being a parent hard. You never really think your going to pass down your temper, your snippy attitude or your mean streak. I have however passed along all of these little traits to you my love. They are as I call them Michelle-isms or shall I now say Gabriel-isms.

Last Friday we were in the kitchen making a batch of cupcakes. This is you new favorite Friday after school activity. You sat patiently waiting to mix in the butter, stir in the eggs and of course lick the spoon. I watched you work the whisk the way I have showed you over and over. I thought to myself. I am blessed to have you in my life and I am a lucky person to be able to give you all of the love my heart has to give.

Love,
Mommy